The Courage to Enjoy Being Yourself More
How often have we found ourselves blaming or feeling inadequate? We recognise the negative and critical self-talk that fills our minds, often relying on external validation to feel confident. It’s a challenge many of us face, and it can leave us feeling lost and disconnected from who we truly are.
What would it feel like if we could truly love, cherish who we are and enjoy being ourselves more?
The Comparison Trap
For a long time, I blamed myself for wanting something different. I grew up believing that medicine was the most noble and valuable profession, but it didn’t resonate with me. The fast pace of clinic work didn’t align with my values, and I found more fulfillment in complementary holistic wellness practices. Yet, whenever I voiced my desire for change, I was met with comments like, “Work is not meant to make you happy.” "or “You will get used to it so just suck it up and get through this.” “Try to look on the positive side of things instead of complaining!”
For someone who has always been a more positive person...These words made me feel guilty and angry at myself.
In my journey, as I knew the work I was doing was not going to be sustainable for me in the long run, I tried to search for something that I could pivot into by diving into crafts, ceramics, aromatherapy, and Reiki, exploring my interests and the things that I felt helped me in loving and getting to know myself better.
But deep down, at some level I was still blaming myself for being different. I questioned why I couldn’t just follow the same path as my peers. I blamed myself whenever I felt stuck in my healing process after a break up, even though I was working hard to move forward. My inner critic was relentless, harshly judging every step I took. Why couldn’t I be like that other person who seems happy living a simpler life?
I was constantly looking outward and focusing my energy on what was present in other people, rather than myself.
Living from our own axis rather than someone else’s
The turning point came when I discovered the Lilynage method of self-massage and began exploring the concept of the Axis of Self.
I was measuring myself against others’ standards, trying to live up to their expectations rather than cherishing who I truly was.
This realization sparked a significant shift in my life.
Was I living based on my own axis, my own core values, or was I living according to someone else’s expectations?
Was I truly loving and cherishing myself for who I was, or was I constantly trying to mold myself into what I thought others wanted me to be to be loved and to feel worthy?
Our History reveals to us who we really are
As I practiced Lilynage, these questions became central to my healing process. The gentle, soothing touch of self-massage was more than just a physical act; it was a way to reconnect with myself, to get to know myself again and to realign with my own axis.
One practice that helped me immensely was combining self-massage with reflection on my Self-History. It is a central part of getting to know ourselves better in the Lilynage process.
Slowly, I began to stop blaming myself for who I wasn’t and started getting to know myself better.
I wrote down the major events in my life in chronological order. For each event, I noted the emotion I felt at the time and my interpretation of what happened. This exercise allowed me to see the trajectory of my life more clearly—how my experiences shaped me, the challenges I overcame, and the decisions I made along the way.
By revisiting these memories with compassion, I gained a deeper understanding of who I am and why I am the way I am. I learned to appreciate my journey, to see the value in even the most difficult experiences, and to develop a greater sense of gratitude for my unique self.
Through this practice, I gained three key insights:
I learned who I was from my past experiences.
I developed a deep gratitude for my body and all it had been through.
I started to appreciate and love my unique self.
Our past experiences are like gems in a treasure box—are we letting them gather dust, or are we taking the time to polish and savor them for the lessons they’ve taught us and for shaping them to be who we are today?
This practice of self-compassion and acceptance was really what started to help me to learn to honour myself more.
When I saw myself more objectively, for the child that I was growing up, for the person who just wanted to live her best life and was always trying her very best, I forgave myself for the times I had been harsh on myself.
Letting go of the conditioning we grow up with
A lot of our struggles come from focusing on our perceived flaws or what we lack, rather than celebrating what we’ve already achieved. This mindset is often conditioned from a young age, especially for those of us who were hardworking, perfectionist students, constantly reminded to look at what was missing instead of what we had accomplished.
Understanding that much of who we are today is shaped by our past experiences allowed us to relax into compassion for ourselves.
Our bodies, with all their habits and patterns, have been protecting us in their own way. When we realise this, we can start to treat ourselves with the kindness and understanding we deserve.
The shift that’s needed is one of compassion and courage —understanding that we are all works in progress.
Self-care and self-love are not fixed outcomes; they are constantly evolving as we grow. Recognizing that we are shaped by our subconscious patterns and past experiences is the first step toward change. When we accept and treat ourselves with compassion and really cherish ourselves for the incredibly unique person we are, the need to compare ourselves with others falls away.
We start to holding ourselves gently through the process of becoming.
Leaning into who we are
When we can start to cherish ourselves and honour our True Selves instead of looking to others or comparing ourselves with others, life becomes easier. We can live with more ease, joy, love and gratitude.
It takes courage to face ourselves and to figure out who we are.
But when we can enjoy being ourselves more, isn’t that a priceless thing?
Whenever you feel that you are comparing yourself to someone else, remember that it’s likely in that moment, you’ve just forgotten who you are.
Take the time to connect back to yourself through Self-Massage and reflection. With each stroke, remember your precious and unique body. And how there is only one of you in this world.
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(If you’re interested in exploring your own Self-History, I encourage you to give this practice a try. Reflect on the events that have shaped your life, the emotions you’ve felt, and how you’ve interpreted those experiences. This process can be incredibly healing and enlightening. In my Lilynage programs, I guide people on their journey with this Self-History work, helping them to uncover the treasures in their own lives and build a more compassionate relationship with themselves.)
