How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself and Start Loving Who You Are: A Reflection on Self-Care

"You're human. You're learning. And you're worthy of love—always." A reminder for now and for always.

A couple of days ago last week, I woke up feeling tense. My body was tired from a long few days at my day job at the clinic (not going to lie- the transition to full time running my business is still ongoing), my mind racing with an endless to-do list: upcoming workshops to prepare, seminars to market, and keeping everything moving for kokoro salon. As I sat with that familiar tension lying in bed as dawn was breaking, something dawned on me.

So much of the pressure I was feeling? I had created it myself.

Those rigid deadlines? I set them. That need for perfection? My inner critic speaking. The fear of disappointing others? My worth tied up in outcomes again.

At the Heart of Our Many Roles

Here's what I see in my practice—and in my own life: We're all trying to do so much. We're professionals pursuing our careers, daughters maintaining family bonds, perhaps wives and mothers nurturing our homes and children. We're trying to stay healthy, maintain friendships, grow personally, and maybe even build something meaningful of our own.

And you know what? The fact that we feel challenged by these multiple roles speaks deeply to our loving nature. It's a testament to our desire to show up fully in life, to care deeply, to make a difference. When we feel overwhelmed by trying to be present for our family while growing our career, it's because our hearts are invested in both. When we struggle to balance self-care with caring for others, it's because we genuinely want to nurture both ourselves and our relationships.

Even the awareness that we want to lead a full, loving, and healthy life is a reflection of our innate desire to grow and contribute. It speaks to the depth of our humanity—our capacity to care, to strive, to dream.

The Beauty of Imperfect Practice

Through my own journey, here's what I'm learning (and constantly relearning):

The magic isn't in perfect consistency—it's in coming back to our practice, even after we've strayed. It's in loving ourselves for trying, even when the results are far from what we envisioned. It's in catching those harsh self-judgments and gently shifting them toward compassion.

Most importantly, it's about bouncing back faster when things feel hard. Not because we've achieved perfection, but because we're building a stronger foundation of self-love.

From Blame to Love: A Daily Practice

Self-massage has become my daily anchor—a moment to slow down and remember that my worth isn't tied to outcomes. It's in how I care for myself throughout the process, regardless of the results.

But the deeper practice? It's in asking ourselves these essential questions:

"Can I love the me who is trying to balance it all?"
"Can I love the me who feels tired and overwhelmed?"
"Can I love the me who didn’t manage to get the outcome that I wanted in this instance?"
”Can I love the me who fails and tries and fails again and doesn’t always understand what to do in life?”

Since starting Lilynage, this has been my greatest lesson: turning from blame to love. I still catch myself hoping everything succeeds the first time, worrying about customer experiences, and tying my worth to outcomes.

But now I can ask myself gently and compassionately: Can I love myself even when things don't work out perfectly? Can I love myself through the learning process?

A Gentle Reminder for all of us (including me)

Even though I teach self-care, balance, and ways to let go of perfectionism, I'll be honest—I'm still learning too.

To anyone reading this who feels pulled in many directions, who's struggling with being "enough" in all their roles, who's working to do things "perfectly," I want you to know:

You're human. You're learning. And that process—messy, imperfect, and real as it is—is exactly where the magic happens. Your worth isn't tied to outcomes or achievements. It's inherent in who you are, right now, exactly as you are.

The challenges you face in balancing different aspects of life? They're not signs of failure—they're signs that you care deeply about living a full, meaningful life. They're evidence of your commitment to growth, to love, to showing up for yourself and others.

This isn't about doing self-care perfectly. It's about showing up for yourself, over and over again, with patience and compassion. Even the smallest moments of choosing love over judgment can be life-changing.

Remember: You're worthy of love and care, no matter what the outcomes look like. Always.

What roles are you juggling in your life?
How might your perspective shift if you saw your challenges as signs of what you value most? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Has this journal post been helpful for you?
If so, let me know in the comments.

To get started on your self-massage ritual, you can check out the kokoro salon online video gallery.

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